Well kids, it’s Halloween. Time to peruse CVS to hide the candy you want to buy, but refuse to, bound and determined to buy it tomorrow when it’s half off, just out of principle. I fully support that, but you better get there sooner than later before all the good stuff has been bought and all there is left to hide is Necco Wafers and Candy Corn – that’ll take the fun right out of it for you. In the event you don’t heed this great advice and get stuck with cases of candy corn at 75% off, run it up to Parenteau’s house – the weirdo loves the stuff. Here’s what I’ve got…
1. Sorry Parenteau, you retired and left me, (yes, I'm aware it's been over 2 years), so the truth is finally coming out. Candy corn is not my favorite, if it were the last candy on earth, don't get me wrong, I’d probably eat it, but if it’s between candy corn and a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, the Reese’s is winning every time. According to google where we get all our expert information here at The Antics, it is listed as the #1 most hated candy in the United States. That’s a bit harsh – they’re cute little things and what the hell did they ever do to you?
2. Here’s a twist we can implement and make our new Halloween tradition. Seeing as Jen frowned upon my idea that I’d get a hold of Jim Burns marshmallow shooter and use it to load up on acorns and shoot them at trick or treaters tonight, I think that we should switch it up a bit. Every time a kid comes up for candy, I’d like a trade. I’ll give you a Kit Kat kid if you trade me for a Snickers. If not, acorns it is….
3. In this week’s edition we will identify yet another way in which I have failed my children. The youngest Kap kid came home last week talking about her anatomy class and her teacher going over the area of bones and the skeletal system. That required using a real skeleton or as Meri said, real human bones – gross, as a visual during the teacher's lesson. Meri asked if they were real bones, and the teacher confirmed that they were. Meri said she was horrified and couldn’t believe that a teacher would be allowed to have anything like a real skeleton inside a school never mind show it to kids. Dear GAWD…I don’t even know where to start with this one. Just confirms that again, I have not birthed and raised a child who is likely to pursue a job in medicine. Score one for me….look at the money we'll save not having to send the kid to medical school.
4. Would you call this a cheese sandwich, or grilled cheese? According to the youngest Kap kid, this is a grilled cheese. Here’s a fun fact…you have to let the cheese melt. If you don’t, all that is, is a soggy cheese sandwich. Exhibit 1, cheese sandwich. George from George's Kitchen would not approve.
5. Speaking of the dead and skeletal remains, I was helping Sue Miller this week clear some things out of her closet that leads to the attic. We bagged up items like blankets to bring to Good Will. She took out an item or two she had saved and wanted to give to particular people, and then other clothing items she decided nope, toss it. In that pile was an old suede jacket that belonged to my Aunt Ginna. I headed out to the jeep, blankets bagged up, jacket over my arm, and off I went. Pulling up to the collection boxes I decided I should probably check the pockets, just in case something was left behind. The jacket’s been hanging in my mother's closet for 20 years, maybe there was a reason we picked this week to pull it out. Maybe Ginna had some profound message for us, and this was the week we'd get it…alas no, instead, this is what I found, Exhibit 1. I’m sure she was laughing at me from heaven while blowing smoke rings. Here’s hoping she was able to upgrade to Marlboro’s up there…Exhibit 2, Gotta love the GPC's
6. Curious about the 20-year-old pack of cigarettes in my dead aunt’s jacket, you know I had to look inside the box to see how many cigarettes were left. There were four, and I bet Ginna’s pissed she died before smoking them. Four of them staring right at me with a working lighter to boot. Fast forward later in the evening I’m telling my other across the driveway bestie Maeve, and she said Ginna was probably planning this from beyond with a message stating…” There will be four trying events in your life in which you may require a butt…I bequeath these upon you…” I’m thinking it would be more like, son of a bitch, that’s where I left them.
7. For you faithful readers out there, you’ll be happy to know that I discovered why rolls of toilet paper are individually wrapped, that this is not a wasteful and unnecessary use of paper after all, it does in fact serve a purpose. Exhibit 3, the paper can be repurposed, stuffed inside the rolls, and then left in various areas the violator inhabits. Maybe this will encourage them to Get it Together and start changing the toilet paper roll.
8. We took advantage of the beautiful fall weather this week and exercised our right to vote. Three generations of voters right here. Sue Miller was so excited about getting out there she decided to live on the edge and get herself a sticker that says, my vote counts in Chinese. This was confirmed and interpreted by our good friend Rose. I told you we fact check here at The Antics. Exhibit 4, just to make it interesting, this is a selfie, so the writing is not only in Chinese, but is also backwards...you're welcome.
9. Unless you’re Lawnmowing, Leaf blowing Joe, you are an idiot if you’re out leaf blowing at 7am, I don’t care what day of the week it is. Also, you might want to make sure you leave the neighbors a path to drive on the street – Here's a fun fact - perhaps one should not partake in libations at 7am and then decide to pull the leaf blower out.
10. I’m here to report that our trash was brutally attacked and left on the side of the road this morning. There are a few things I have to say about this…
a. Gibson is off his game. He slept right through it, unaware that it’s trash day and his trash was being tampered with.
b. It was not Jake or I, we have proof neither of us has hit the trash or recycling bins in a wicked long time…
c. A minion did it on her way to school this morning and has no remorse about it whatsoever.
Exhibit 5, no remorse.
And last but not least...look what I found on Facebook last night. Apparently George Jones from George's Kitchen is back people - kind of lame though all we got was a picture and not a video documenting his fine cooking skills...get it together Jones, your following wants to know what you've been cooking.
Have a great weekend and Happy Halloween!!!
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