Your Weekly Antics, France Called, They Want Lady Liberty Back Edition...3/21/25
- lisaalkap
- Mar 21
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 25
Well kids, we hope you all enjoyed your St. Patrick's celebrations and have had a good week. We're almost at the end of March, and those tulips and other spring bulb type things should start to be coming up, positive signs that warmer weather is on the way. In the event your field or work involves going out to people's homes, be mindful where you step. If you stomp on someone's tulips or other vegetation starting to break through the ground, you're bound to cause problems for yourselves. Here's what I've got...
The Irish Goodbye. I have perfected this skill over the years and may occasionally even be referred to as an expert in this area. My vapor like abilities to get in and out of establishments with little evidence left behind may even make some who come in contact with me question if I was ever there to begin with. Described as vapor-like by many, this is due to having the Irish Goodbye down to a science. Watch and learn if you can kids, it can get you out of unwanted situations in a pinch. Stick with me and I'll teach you all sorts of overlooked life skills.
2. Well now we've done it...we've pissed off the French, and they want the Statue of Liberty back. I can’t blame them, but doesn’t the world have bigger problems to worry about? If they did get it back, I wonder if they'd “re-gift" it. Everyone's lost their damn minds...
3. A man was found with a live turtle concealed in his pants at the Newark New Jersey airport. The man was detained, missed his flight, and the turtle confiscated. Let’s break this down a bit. For starters, the poor turtle. The TSA probably saved the poor little bugger from a life of living with that weirdo. Second, did he find the turtle on the way to the airport and just decide, you know what, I’m going to take you with me, so in my pants you go. The turtle was only 5 inches big, so if this dumbass was so brazen to think he could sneak it onto an airplane, why not just stick him in his pocket? And third, Why? If I’m going to be detained at any airport, it’s going to be for smuggling something a little more threatening than a 5 inch turtle. Get it together pal. Exhibit 1, the turtle.
4. I think I may be switching up my coffee shops for the days when On the Rise isn’t open. I generally head out of the 02 Monday, Tuesdays and Wednesdays when they're closed and venture out to one of the surrounding towns who shall not be named, for my caffeinated libations. However, the customers of that particular spot apparently think they’re the parking police and have nothing better to do than comment on where we park and how we park. How about this. A., there must be something more productive people can do other than sit around filling their time harassing people about where they park, B, get a job or volunteer somewhere. If you did, you wouldn’t have time to pass your negativity on to the rest of us., C., If you’re that miserable, perhaps you shouldn’t leave your house. I’m not bothering you, so how about you stop bothering me. Seems reasonable, don’t you think? Keep it moving...
5. We’re in the middle of lent kids. For those of you who observe, there are different ways that some countries and cultures kick this season of abstinence off and here’s one I’ve never heard of, Shrove Tuesday. Shrove Tuesday derives from the English word meaning to seek forgiveness or be granted absolution and is how some in England begin the Lenten season. While some are celebrating Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday, many in England dress in traditional garb in a nod to historic guilds and trade associations that have existed in London for over 1,000 years. They race through the streets parade style, while flipping pancakes in a frying pan. The most famous race takes place in Olney, Buckinghamshire, with a history dating back to 1445. I bet unlike many who attended the various St. Patrick’s Day parades in New England last weekend, none of these pancake people called out of work the next day for a pancake hangover.
6. In more airport news, some guy in Columbia was caught trying to smuggle $10,000 worth of cocaine, hidden under his toupee, onto an airplane there. Gotta give him points for trying. Now why didn’t the guy in Newark try that? He may have had a better chance getting the turtle on board hidden under a toupee than wrapped in a towel in his pants – idiot. I'm not sure if this guy should be more embarrassed by his crime, or what he was trying to pass off as hair. Exhibit 2, worst toupee ever.
7. This piece of art entitled “America” was created by Italian artist Murizio Cattelan in 2016. A fully functioning toilet made of 18k gold created as satirical commentary on the excessive wealth in America, was initially displayed in the Guggenheim Museum in New York City, and later in the United Kingdom where it was stolen in 2019. It weighs 227lbs. What can we say about this…for starters, how do you not notice a 227lb golden toilet being stolen from a museum, second, who has that kind of time to create a 227lb gold toilet in the first place, and third, it wasn’t even stolen as a fraternity prank. Dumbasses should’ve melted that thing down asap instead of holding onto it and getting caught. #dumbcriminals.
Exhibit 3, the golden toilet now located in the first-floor bathroom at Elder Services.
We pulled up to this guy at a light on route 9. Just some guy driving along with his kid in a car seat sitting in the back. I kind of wanted to follow him home to see if he realized his kid had gotten a hold of all of those stickers and pasted them all over his back window. Exhibit 4, stickers.
9. Anyone ever hear of Rattlesnake Hill here in the Woo? Me neither. Because we're always here to keep you all in the know, Rattlesnake Hill is located in the wooded area that runs between Mill Street and Goddard Memorial Drive (Airport Hill...) and is part of the Tetasset Ridge area managed by the Greater Worcester Land Trust. Now that spring has sprung, and you may be so inclined to look for a new place to hike and find yourselves wandering up in that area, you may run across God's Acre, also known as Deed Rock. In the early 1800's, Solomon Parson's bought 10 acres of land on the hill intending to build a house of worship, eventually deeding the land to God. Parson's was part of a Christian doomsday movement that believed the world would end in 1843 or 1844, we found conflicting info out there on the internet. Mr. Parson's lived to be 93. I wonder if he was pissed that he spent all that time and money on that rock dedication for doomsday not to happen.
Top Golf in Canton, MA, that's where the Kap crew went last weekend. I did not partake in the golfing aspect of this venture, but I did once again, come up with a solid retirement plan. This, this right here. I want to spend my retirement driving around the zambonie version of the golf picker upper thing and be the official Golf Ball Getter. Until of course the youngest Kap kid shows up and decides to spend the afternoon pelting my cart with golf balls.
And last but not least...get it together people. The world's gone mad, be nice to people, we need it.
Have a great weekend!
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