Your Weekly Antics It's Windy Outside Edition...3-7-25
- lisaalkap
- Mar 7
- 5 min read
Well kids, here we are, it’s Friday and you've made it. In case you can't hear the wind whipping around outside, it's a bit blustery out there. So much so that one should proceed with caution. With that said, I'm doing the work of the people from inside today, I've had enough of climbing through trash, meeting rats face to face, spreading cheer and being harassed by cats. Not sure what I ever did to those of the feline variety, but I must've done something because they're out to get me. Here's what I've got...
Gibson hasn’t eaten breakfast yet because he has been far too busy fighting the strong winds outside today. A lovely woman and her tiny little dog walked by and I felt obliged to apologize for the giant goon who was out there barking aimlessly, and she asked, “is your dog okay?” No, no he is not. He makes a spectacle of himself out there day in and day out and I have absolutely no control over it.
2. Stink bugs. It’s that time of year folks. Doesn’t matter how tightly sealed your home is, those little bastards find a tiny little crevice, make their way in, settle down and get comfortable. According to google, they are in search of warmth, shelter and food. Aren’t we all my stinky little friends, but how about you find that elsewhere? Then Gibson will stop making it a sport to curb stomp you and your extended families.
3. Spiders. Spiders too like to take up shelter in our homes. Doesn’t matter how clean we keep them, dusting, vacuuming or not, they still take it upon themselves to move right in like they’re paying the bills. No thanks to social media, there may or may not be people who live in the Kap house who are firmly against killing the little buggers believing that this is a murderous act. Okay, so maybe it is, but I’d prefer not to encounter one in my shower. Here are some fun facts about spiders to correct the misconceptions that the younger generation have been led to believe…
· Spiders do not cover their eyes in anticipation of being squashed.
· They do not scream, they are not physically capable of doing so.
· They have limited vision, so if you squish them, don’t feel bad, they won’t see you
coming.
· They have no concept of death, or that you’re about to do them in.
· It is considered safe to let them be, not posing a threat to us and may in fact help us by eating other little pests who have taken up refuge in your house...still no reason in my opinion to let them live with you rent free, but that's just me...
· Refer back to the fact above, I don’t care, they’re not welcome at the Kap house – good luck and Godspeed.
4. The Toyota Camry was recently disrespected at one of our favorite coffee spots. In a smaller town where snobbery runs deep. The Camry was parked next to a newer more pristine vehicle, driven by an older male who felt she and her driver were beneath him. It may have been parked in its own spot, but it was between white lines, and two white lines constitute a parking spot whether you like it or not. Had I been present for the overheard ridicule, I would have pointed out that this individual should respect his elders, the elder being the Camry, as that fine piece of machinery is 26 years old and eligible for an Antique plate. Show some respect. That’s right pal, get in your overpriced electric vehicle and keep it moving.
5. Rats. You sick of hearing about them? Yeah, well, so am I. In case you’re wondering, there are rats in Rutland, rats in Oakham, rats in Barre, rats in Grafton, rats in Main South, rats on the West side, rats in Tatnuck square…they are everywhere. Doesn’t matter if you live in an area surrounded by businesses or somewhere out in the woods, the little bastards are taking over. I see them so often on my home visits that they’ve started to greet me. I imagine they’re like, hey, what’s up? I heard you were at my cousin's house out in the ham last week…I’m over it people. Over It. I came home yesterday and threw away a perfectly good pair of shoes because with rats comes rat waste and sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do to clean your shoes, you're just not fixing them.
6. Speaking of trash, the city trash truck came by yesterday and used its fancy claw like device to pick our super heavy-duty recycling bin up to their truck to dump our recyclables in. Lawn mower Joe has the same fancy bin, that’s right, be jealous people, we’re on the cutting edge down here on our corner. Thing is, on both occasions, the claw thing missed the truck, dumping our recyclables out on the street. Did they stop to pick the recyclables up? Of course not…they drove away. Bastards.
7. Clearly they’re not aware that Sue Miller is my Mother and there’s a good chance when the weather’s nice and I’m bored, I’ll be sitting out front in a lawn chair under my giant tree waiting for them. I’ll add this to my list of potential activities to embark upon in my retirement.
8. Speaking of retirement and keeping myself entertained, we haven’t talked about Edie in a while. Went to see her earlier in the week and per usual, fun was had by all. The youngest Kap kid and I arrived to find her sitting up in bed, which is not the norm. She quickly let us know that she had big plans, places to be, and we could help her get out of bed or get the hell out of her way. Knowing from past experience it would only benefit us to go along with this escapade, we helped her out of bed and away we went, only to bring her to the dining room to be told that’s not where she wanted to go, and we needed to get it together.
9. Apparently, I was in the running to inherit an imaginary stereo she believes she owns. After not getting her to wherever it was she really wanted to go on Tuesday, she informed me that I’m no longer in line for the imaginary stereo and she hoped I was happy with myself. I’ll just add her to the list of elders I’ve successfully pissed off…the list is long people, very very long.
10. Despite being a huge disappointment to my 103 year old grandmother, we made other friends at the nursing home. Hannah who thought Meredith was the best thing since sliced bread, and then another woman who we are certain may have been a ghost. We’ve never seen her before, and the staff at the nursing home had no idea what or who we were talking about when we asked where she went. All in all, you never know what you’re going to get when visiting our very own present-day Cocoon.
And last but not least...don't be afraid to defend yourselves from unwanted stink bugs and spiders...you pay the bills, they're just freeloading...squish em!!!!
Have a great weekend!
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