Well kids, it's Friday of a short holiday week. Does it feel like a short week to all of you? Probably not, but the weather has been delightful. As a matter of fact it was only 40 degrees on Tuesday morning when you thought it was Monday and how did I know this? Because the youngest Kap kid let me know this tid bit of weather information as she was heading out the door at 7 am to get herself to all the stairs that the new Doherty High provides. These kids are going to be in the best shape of their lives by the time next June rolls around, and there should be no complaints about walking up all the hills that Green Hill Golf course provides the young women of the Worcester Girls Golf Team come spring. Quit your whining ladies, and it's still no, no and no to a cart, so keep it moving. Here's what I've got...
1. There have been some changes made in the Protective Services Unit people, let me tell you about them. For starters, don’t get all excited…no, they didn’t fire me. We’ve been over this but let me refresh your memories. They’ll never fire me because no one wants my job, so I think I’m pretty secure. We’ve got some new people working with us now, let me tell you about them.
2. Being the protector of anonymity, I’m not going to name any names to protect the innocent, and also, I’ve been threatened within an inch of my life not to scare our new workers away. One of the new guys, a lovely gentleman, referred to me as ma’am. His first name may begin with "E", but that's all I'm saying. I’ll admit, I looked behind me quick thinking maybe one of my clients snuck in behind me on my way into the office, but low and behold, nope. No one behind me, he was referring to me. So apparently, I’m now 100 years old. Have no fear, we will eventually become best friends as I show him the error of his ways when I take him out on one of the worst visits I can find and toss him through a window like he's Robyn Baker Foley and it's 1997. #truestory
3. Now we have another Phil in the office, not to be confused with Old Phil. I don’t like being called ma’am, therefore I’m thinking no one likes to be called old, so we shall not refer to the first Phil as old Phil, instead he will be Original Phil. According to New Phil, Original Phil can be referred to as the “OG”. So, Original Gangsta Phil it is.
4. That brings us to New Phil. New Phil got off on the right foot by not calling me ma’am, so there’s that. I informed him that he could be at Elder Services for 500 years and he will forever be referred to as New Phil. He may even go into work one of these days and find a sign hanging outside his office that says just that…New Phil's Office. It's still early yet, he's new, and let's face it, not everyone can have a Formerly the Supply Closet sign like Joe Burns.
5. Now, just across the hall from New Phil is Joe Burns office, aka Formerly the Supply Closet. I’m not sure if New Phil knows exactly how lucky he is to have his office directly across the hall from Joe Burns. Why you ask? Because Joe Burns is Joe Burns, and more importantly, I drop in to torture Joe Burns on the regular, and now New Phil may be added to the rotation. Joe Burns claims to be a regular reader of the Antics, but we all know that’s false, because if he was, he would know that I talk trash about him just about every week. Remember that New Phil, you'll want to stay on the up-and-up.
6. I called and texted Robyn several times today because she's my fearless leader, and by the last call she asked me if I had hit my head or was sick or something, I can’t remember exactly what she said. My response was no, no I did not, I just happened to be a full coffee pot and a large French Toast cold foam deep by the time we spoke on the phone. Knowing me as well as she does, she quickly understood. Totally 10000% caffeinated and out doing the work of the people, no wonder I went to the wrong house...I'm lucky I found my way out of Grafton.
7. I should mention this delightful French Toast Cold Foam was from Mykonos Bakery in Millbury where the sun should always be shining on Antoine the aloe plant, despite Chris placing his sorry self on top of the fridge. What the actual hell Chris? I may have to steal him back…and a muffin while I’m at it, just out of principal. Maybe I have a never-ending open tab there? Maybe I don't. Maybe Chris will never know.
8. Beet update. She continues to walk the streets of Beantown at all hours of the day and night. No, not because she's lost or confused, because she likes to go for her nightly stroll like she’s Dr. Moonlight Graham from Field of Dreams, to get some fresh air into her lungs and see what the streets have to offer. Well, I'm here to tell you that Beet and her updates, normally with picture proof of what she's talking about never disappoints. She was out and about on her nightly stroll at 8:01pm Monday night when it was 70 degrees and she sends me this. This guy was dressed for winter, like it was January for crying out loud. Toughen up or go back to where you came from buddy. If you can't survive September in New England, there's no way in hell you'll be able to stick it out here all winter.
9. I’d like to publicly apologize to Ken. I accidentally pirated his client and went on the visit that was meant for him. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. It's not easy doing the work of the people, especially when you go to the wrong house. Like I said, I had a lot of caffeine yesterday.
10. In this week’s segment of things we see on the highway, I saw this on 290 Thursday morning. This is my kind of person. Working in geriatrics, I’m thinking that it would be frowned upon for me to go out and buy one of these and throw it in the passenger seat of the jeep to accompany me on home visits. One can dream…
And last but not least...whether you have an Old Phil, or a New Phil. Or a new guy who mistook you for a client; or a Jim Burns or a Joe Burns; I hope you've had a good short week despite not knowing what the hell day it is.
Have a great weekend!
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