Well kids, Mother Nature is a fraud. Clearly no longer following any kind of seasonal calendar and doing her own thing, she thought it might be entertaining to give us a touch of spring and then on the actual first day of spring, bring back winter. Here’s what I’ve got to say about that – whatever lady, we know winter’s your favorite child, and I’m over it. I’m not letting you bother me, even if we are going to be wearing sweaters in July. Here’s what I’ve got…
1.The threat of winter sticking around with frigid temperatures and howling winds doesn’t scare everyone off from outside activities. Look at this for instance…Exhibit 1. This is one of our loyal readers and original fans of The Antics, taking nature by the horns and fighting back. This is Deb, learning how to drive a Caterpillar tractor. For all your landscaping or body burying needs, contact Sue Miller, she’s making Deb’s schedule, and she’s booking out, so don’t hesitate, call today.
2. Trash day. We haven't talked about trash day in awhile, or recycling, or how my dogs think our trash and recycling is being stolen from the curb every Thursday. Here's a fun fact. When you live on a corner, on the end of a street, on trash day, in the middle of a windstorm, all those runaway recycling bins, trash containers and trash, will end up on your lawn. Here's another fun fact. That's me...I live on the corner. So, after I retrieve all my neighbors trash that has been blown out of their unsecured trash bins that has landed on my lawn, that's where my job ends. I will not be going door to door to return your bin unless you are Snowblowing, Leafblowing, Lawnmowing Joe - my trash bin returning responsibilities end right there in our shared driveway friends, and let me tell you why... because 1., Joe is my BFF, and 2., it's the least I can do because I run over his trash bins in front of the house all the time.
***Exhibit 2, If you're missing this blue bin, come on by and pick it up. I don't deliver.
3. Redaction from last weeks Antics. Despite our efforts to fact check and avoid misinforming all of you, I made an error - I know this shocks all of you, but it happens. Beet is now working at Hanscom Air Force Base…that’s where those big ass turkeys are lurking, not Fort Devens. Now that I mention it, I haven’t heard from Beet all week, I hope they haven’t eaten her, I should probably look into that. Sorry, Beet, no matter where you are, we’re glad you’re no longer across the country and are closer to us here in The Woo.
4. I asked the Kap and Miller girls the other night if they could think of some of the more colorful phrases and quotes known to be in Sue Miller’s wheelhouse, and they didn’t disappoint. They're self-explanatory, here are just a few…
Jeez-um-Christophahhhhhh
Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out
Come on girls, let’s pack it up… (sleep over lingo, loosely translates to, you girls have overstayed your welcome, it’s time to go home…)
Mother Fletcher ( what does this one sounds like?)
You GD Fools
Move it or lose it
It’s my way or the highway
You snooze, ya lose
Who shivs -a – git
For shits ‘n giggles
You’re going to hell in a hand basket
Good luck to you and the Irish ( loosely translates to, good luck and God speed; good luck to ya; good luck with that; meaning, when someone is doing or saying something interpreted as being foolish or passing along misinformation…)
There you have it folks…some of Sue Miller’s more notable phrases and lingo…write them down.
5. Doing the work of the people this week, per usual, also didn’t disappoint. Again, the phenomenon of people not wearing pants continues. On a visit yesterday, the gentleman reported that he was cold. Well, no kidding sir, did you consider putting on pants? Of course he didn't... then I don’t know what the hell to tell you, you're going to be cold. #asshat
6. As regular readers know, #4 describes a normal regular day when you work at Elder Services in the PS department. It’s not all gross naked people, but most days it is, so when we’re standing around with some of Worcester’s finest trying to figure out what to do with some of these people, many subjects are broached which may include the game called, what would I do if I won the lottery, or, what would I do if I could retire. For starters, it all sounds like a grand plan, leaving work one day never to return and not have to worry about how you're going to keep the lights on, but let’s be realistic, I’d be bored, I’d have to find something to do to keep myself busy. That brought us to talking about our days working at Spag’s. I told Walter Duffy that my grand plan would be to hang out all day and work in a greenhouse. Get myself a rolling chair and roll myself around all day watering the plants, similar to what I did working in the garden shop at Spag’s, with the addition of the rolling chair of course. It may have been the stench from the house we were at that caused me to hallucinate this, but I think Walter may have agreed to support this plant watering plan and may have agreed to join me. #dreambig
7. Next time you’re watching tv and a Home Depot commercial comes on, try to tell yourself that tune isn’t catchy. Go ahead, try it. You can’t deny it’s catchy and now you can probably hear it playing over and over and over again in your head right? You’re welcome. That’s my gift to all of you today. The Home Depot song – an underappreciated jam if I’ve ever heard one.
Exhibit 3, check out these crazy cats, Hampton Beach 2015
8. My plant problem continues. I recently stopped at Trader Joes and there sat Frank, the cactus. He was the lone cactus living amongst the African Violets, Orchids and Basil plants, all his people deserting him, being purchased and leaving him behind. Poor Frank, right? I made the quick decision to spring for the $12.99 – a huge bargain by the way – took him to the register, paid for him, and off we went. I took Frank to his new home, where he will now live within viewing distance of Hank the Mantle Fish. I even made him a new hat. Exhibit 4, Frank and his sombrero.
9. We all have vices and addictions people, admit it, you know you have a few. Doesn’t necessarily have to be smoking or drinking or gambling, it can be anything. My latest is this plant app called Plant Story – who knew it would bring me such joy. You can buy and sell plants, and even better, you can watch and bid on plants on their live auctions. It’s a recipe for disaster for me really, but I digress. My favorites are Derek and Molly from Plants With Dirt. They’re hysterical and a little bit nuts, my kind of people. This is my latest purchase, a Philodendron Gloriosum. He came in the mail yesterday, all packed up nice and neat with a heat pack for his journey to the Woo all the way from upstate New York. Like all of us who travel, he’s still acclimating to his new environment, and resting up from his trip, but he – is – fabulous. Here he is people, meet Derek, named after Plants with Dirt Derek. Now Derek the actual plant guy may be fabulous like Derek the Plant, but he can’t get all the credit, his partner in crime, Molly is equally as fabulous. I listen to Molly during the day while out doing the work of the people. I may or may not have been late on a visit or two because I had to pull over to bid on something - don’t judge me, I could be doing worse, like drinking on the job. Exhibit 5, Derek the Plant
10. As a result of my new plant obsession, I have been temporarily banned from the Plant Story app per the Kap girls. Don’t worry plant friends, I’ll be back.
Exhibit 6, the Birthday card given to me from Linda Corcoran many years ago...I bet she never imagined the mileage I'd get out of it...
And last but not least...I don't care how hot or how cold it is, please do yourself and the world a favor...don't answer the door if you're not wearing pants.
Have a great weekend!
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