It's a good day for fishing…I’m assuming it is anyway. You think anyone’s going to give me something that I can throw that has a hook attached to the end? Nope, that’s not happening. If you can’t find Deb today, she’s most likely at her top-secret fishing spot. Get on out there people, enjoy it. Here's what I've got....
Here's a snack you'll never see me smuggle into a movie theater. Exhibit 1, a banana. Ya weirdo....
2. Exhibit 2, Petrified pizza – I have it on good authority that pizza from 7-11 has a shelf life of forever. This lovely slice of pie as you will see, appears recently prepared and fresh, one may even go so far to imagine it’s flavorful aroma and cheesey delight, but don’t let this unedited, unfiltered photo fool you. This my friends is a one month old piece of 7-11 pizza that has spent the last four weeks on the floor of the back seat of Maeve’s car. It joined her in her road trip from Colorado back to the Woo and still looks damn good, looking better than most people I know and is no worse for the wear. Color’s good, texture still looks good but is in fact hard as a rock. Had Jen not intervened I may have been able to talk Maeve into taking this one step further and experimenting to see what would happen if we tossed it in the microwave. Would it explode? Would it be flammable? Or would it just warm up, melting its cheese, to return to its normal state of assumed pizza goodness. Now we’re never going to find out.
3. There was a coffee pot mishap here on our corner at o-dark-hundred that was not discovered until about 8am. Awakening to the smell of freshly brewed coffee because I’ve spoiled myself with a coffee pot with a timer, I realized when prepping my morning coffee in my semi sleep state before I went to bed last night, that upon doing so, I didn’t return the coffee pot to its place where it receives the darkly roasted goodness that I look forward to in the mornings. This sustenance would be blasphemously wasted on the counter, the floor, all the drawers that lay beneath the coffee pots home resulting in a mess of epic Friday proportions. We take lemons and make lemonade here people so Gibson and I, who knew things were about to get real, took deep breaths, set up a new pot to be brewed and went about our business cleaning up the mess waiting on our new pot. Now fully caffeinated, crisis averted.
4. Never let your guard down bathing a 100 lb dog. Just because they change their ways and willingly hop on into the tub when you ask, doesn’t mean they’re going to stay there. He’ll wait until he’s completely soaped up and lathered in their overpriced prescription dog shampoo that’s probably really the equivalent to Johnson’s Baby Shampoo you can get at Wal Mart for under ten bucks. That’s when he’ll decide he’s had enough of you and your shenanigans, hop out and wait until he runs into the living room to shake all that soap into the abyss that is every surface of your general living space.
5. In this week's episode of how’d that get up there…mystery empty iced coffee cup is now taking up residence on the awning of our back door. Must be the ghosts…who else could be responsible for that? Exhibit 3
6. When taking the road less traveled it's good to exercise caution and be mindful of local traffic laws and posted speed limits. In some of our surrounding towns it's frowned upon to travel 57 mph in a 30 mph zone. Useful information.
7. IT- password update. What browser do you use? Ummm, google? I don’t know, I turn on my laptop and whatever comes up comes up. Can you get on to your remember your passwords? If I could, do you think I’d be calling you? You should really do that. Listen buddy, I’m 53 years old, I can’t remember what I did 5 seconds ago never mind how to log into another site somewhere that’s supposed to save all my passwords. Just reset it already. I don’t get this trouble from Taryn when it’s a Saturday night and I get locked out of APS when I’m on call. Get it together.
8. Broken flip flop. I barely made it out of there alive. The resourceful middle child gave me a hair tie to wrap around my foot attaching it to the flip flop so I could keep it in place while navigating the stairs of the movie theater and getting back out to the car. Who says I couldn’t survive in the wild? I’d add a picture right here, but no one needs to see photographic evidence of my feet – that’s just not right.
9. Breaking and entering…a prerequisite when working in the Protective Services unit. I’ve upped my game however and haven’t had to climb through or throw any coworkers through any windows lately, a sure sign of my growing B&E skills and experience. Now when going to a home, I scope the place out knowing full well the day will come that we have to get in because our person is on the floor. In this particular case it was a chain of events that helped me gain access to my lady who had not fallen on the floor but had chosen to sleep on the floor - she told me this, sure to let me know that I had woken her up from her peaceful slumber. After going through her garage, the locked jimmied on the interior door that led to the breezeway to that interior door that conveniently has a slight rip in the screen that allowed me to stick my hand through to then jiggle the inside handle to release the pin holding that broken door handle and lock mechanism to let myself in. ( say that ten times fast…)
Two times I proved this week that I can survive in the wild with finesse and minimal personal injury.
10. If you piss me off and you’ve left your lunch bag and all of your other work-related paraphernalia from your day lying on the kitchen counter, you’re going to get whatever rotten or old fruit that requires disposal put in your lunch bag. If I’m ending my day with your mess, you shall begin your next day with your yesterday mess. You’re welcome.
And last but not least, should the universe give you lemons during this next full moon of July, or a lunch bag full of limes that've seen better days, don't fret. Turn that citrus fruit into a refreshing lemon lime drink and add a shot of tequila.
Have a great weekend!
I think there was a lot more in that cross country vehicle Maeve was driving!!!!!!